Minor Panic Attacks

This year is Amy's last year working with Club 56. She's graduating in a couple of weeks and then going to work at a camp in Michigan for the summer. And then is kind of up in the air after that... but not back at our church.

So why does this have anything to do with me? Well I don't know exactly yet. I've been asked by the children's pastor to be praying about what kind of role I want to have next year with these kids. Every time I start to think or pray about it I get a minor panic attack. I think that I do very well as a helper. Amy is very obviously called in to ministry and being a pastor of children. I don't know what my call is. I just feel fairly inadequate to really be in charge. It's funny to me, but also not necessarily funny that the kids I think know more about being a Christian than I do because they've grown up in it. And I still have SO MUCH to learn. I'm not sure what exactly the children's pastor is thinking for next year.

BLAH! I'm not trying to be all negative. This is coming out fairly random. Basically I need to keep praying. I do know that I absolutely love these kids. And in the past 2 years of working with them God has helped me to grow SO much in learning how to teach and lead and love and just interact with this age group. I seem to continually be stepping out of my comfort zone. Just when I finally feel like I'm settling down there's a new stretch. I know that's how God works, but man! It would be nice to stay comfortable just for a little while!

So I really don't know. I don't doubt God. But I want what's best for these preteens. If there is someone better to lead then they should be in charge.

I don't think there was any kind of conclusion in that. Other than that I need to pray to see where God wants me. And if for some crazy reason He reveals to me that I should step up and take the challenge... than I need a lot more prayer to ease up on the anxiety attacks. For Him to continually guide me and speak and work through me.

We are supposed to get together to really talk about things as soon as the musical is over, which is in 2 weeks. Ok... trying to pray... and breathe.